9 December 2011

Do you hate your job and are waiting for the day you get out? (Hint: if you haven't started planning your escape yet, stop reading this and go and search for a career break).

Here are some fun ways of slacking it off until you leave. Usual disclaimers apply (ie this is just for fun so don't come crying to us if it all goes pear-shaped).

  1. Offer to spearhead the company's social media programme. Every time someone sees you on Facebook or Twitter, you can rightly point out that it's part of your work.
  2. If you've got your own office, close the door and put paperclips on the floor. Go to sleep on the floor by the door. When someone opens the door, they'll wake you up and you'll look like you're just down there to pick up the paperclips.
  3. Grab a pile of papers and a pen, and start walking. Look stressed.
  4. Offer to look for something that has been lost, especially if your workplace has a lot of cupboards, a basement, etc. Take a blanket in and have a nap.
  5. Write a work problem on a pad in big letters. Then stare out of the window. When someone questions you, you can show them the problem that you're earnestly trying to solve, and could they please not interrupt you.
  6. Leave your computer on overnight, and leave your coat in the car. When you arrive at your desk at 10 o'clock, it will look like you've been in the office since before everyone else got in, and have just been 'in a meeting'.
  7. Explain to your boss that in order to harness the viral power of social media integration you need to analyse and quantify the specific global appeal of YouTube's most successful videos. Then sit back and enjoy the kittens.
  8. Collect fellow skivers and have a 'blue sky meeting'. Explain that you don't write anything down because you don't want to constrain anyone's ideas.
  9. Lock yourself in the toilet and enjoy your newspaper, sudoku or a kip. If people question the length of your visits, be upfront and graphic about your dodgy tummy. No-one ever makes up an embarrassing ailment, so no-one will guess that you're lying.
  10. Text a friend when you feel like going home and ask them to call your work number. When you answer the phone, say 'Oh dear god - yes, I'll be right there', then hang up and walk out. Refuse to discuss it because it's 'too painful'.

How do you skive off work? Have you come up with some creative ways of slacking off? Leave us a comment and we'll approve it when we get around to it.